dear tooth fairy,

i'll knock out a couple of teeth and stick the bloody little bastards under my pillow if you help me pay my bills. i have one baby tooth left, so if you add interest to that, i'm sure we can work out some kind of deal.

sincerely,
number 1,240,839


dear mom,

i didn't want to come back. i broke things off with the guy i was talking to (which was smart - but still stung), i don't feel like i'm being an effective teacher, and i'm lonely. i wanted to stay and drink funky tea and read in front of the fireplace for the rest of the winter.

love,
the good child


dear dad,

i need money. i'm a total loser. i'm barely living on what i make, and i picked up the wrong goddamn chicken at the grocery store, so that was a complete waste of $8, which made me cry. i'm 26 fucking years old and i can't get my shit together. what the hell is wrong with me?

love,
baby girl


dear delta,

your men are smooth and sweet and funny - and either involved in gangs, attached, or otherwise unavailable. your teenagers are intelligent and engaging and loveable and frustrating - and all too willing to take the easy way out and follow in their parents' footsteps. you're breaking my heart, and you're making me poor. i hate loving you.

peach


dear atl,

it's the first full week in march. meet me in peoria, and we'll dance.

indy


dear leland,

have i told you that i'm incredibly jealous of your boy and my girl? they're in love. yes, love.

indy