god and plato

"men make a woman... messy." - thomas crown affair


there are two major beings in which i place my trust - god and plato.

GOD. well, a good friend of mine calls me a quasi-christian, which is somewhat accurate. i believe in god. i believe that we're not alone in this world, in a good way, and i believe that that higher power loves us and helps us to reach or exceed our potentials. i'm not a hellfire and damnation type of person. all of my friends just yelled, "no shit!" and made "get to the point" gestures. anyway, be that as it may, i do think that there's more to sex than just sex. most of the time. i think that it's the best when there's an emotional connection of some kind between partners. that comes from my christian upbringing.

PLATO. plato has a theory... the split-apart theory. the theory is that when the earth was young, people were actually big male-female-combo globs, ecstatic in their togetherness. somehow, somebody got pissed off and struck each of these globs with lightning, splitting them and scattering them across the globe. from that point on, each half of the glob spent his or her time on earth searching for his or her other half. sounds almost tragic, doesn't it? what if they don't find their other halves? well, here's where my faith in god comes in. if you're meant to find your split apart, your soul mate, you will. it's serendipity... fate... whatever.

but, faith, how is this relevant? well, the friend with benefits isn't taking the "no more benefits" very well. he wanted to come over to play tonight, but i protested enough to make him change his mind. here's the thing. the sex is good, almost phenominal. obvious statement of fact, since i almost agreed to let him come over tonight. here's another fact. he makes my life complicated, in a way that i don't want right now. he makes my ethics sloppy, and i can't have that. he has no compunction about sleeping with other people when he's in a relationship, and i can't trust him. too much drama for this girl. especially since i have some serious doubts about him being my split-apart. and he says he loves me. what the fuck? how can you love somebody, in the true sense of the word, if you can't introduce them to your family and friends as your lover? sorry, but i think that real love goes deeper than that. fuck that. i've been in love before. real love does go deeper than that. anyway, kudos to me for staying strong, and kudos to margaret and carole for helping me to do so.