back in good ol' p-town again, for the christmas holiday. i love christmas, i really do. the traditions (midnight service tonight, cookies, time with family) are great, and i believe in everything spiritual that goes with the holiday (which is somewhat convenient). my only problem with this season is that it makes me feel like i'm bipolar. emotions are high... wait a second... emotions are low. and it's a weird time, because i always come back expecting to be on the same level as my friends, expecting them to have found a good balance between work and play, and, instead, i feel like i don't even know them anymore. last night i went out with heidi (who is one of my best friends from high school), doug, and dave. went to the dike bar for a drink after the movie - again, i don't see the point, since a dike bar is the last place any of us would find a hook-up, since we all like men. argh. whatever. anyway, heidi and doug got beyond tipsy and really, beyond obnoxious. all i want to do is hang out with them, the real them. not the "hide behind drinks and laugh and be the life of the party" them. and if they can't do their parts to keep our friendship on a "real" level, then what the hell is the point? heidi is a great friend, and i cherish her friendship. but i'm about over the rest of them because i never see another side to them. maybe it's like a bad marriage in that we should just accept that we're not the people we were when we met and we should move on. the combination of people is usually a decent mix; i've always had amanda to balance out their silliness. it's harder this year because she's in nebraska with her family. it sucks. one more thing to make me emotional. enough whining already. time to get ready for church. first christmas without yet another grandparent. down to two and a half (phylis and frank and mary). everything changes. more later.